‘I didn’t see it coming’ is a common complaint, but the fact is that
most relationship breakdowns do not come as a surprise. There are some
very clear indicators that your relationship is not as strong as it’s
supposed to be.
Contact
In the first throes of new love, it’s impossible to stop talking to each
other. If you’re not talking to each other, then you’re talking about
each other to your friends. It’s quite usual for this intensity to fade
over time, but when you start to go days without speaking, then you know
that something’s amiss.
Future talk
Making plans for the future is a big part of a relationship. You talk
about holidays, houses, jobs – anything that shows that you are making
plans together. Then it stops. You can barely talk about where you want
to go on holiday next year, let alone what you’ll be doing ten years
down the line.
Effort
When you first start seeing each other, your dates are well-planned and
you took time arranging the perfect romantic gestures. After a while,
this descends into nights spent watching television in your pyjamas, or
nights at the cinema, where you can avoid having to talk to each other.
Pushing the buttons
When you are in love with someone, any arguments that break out tend to
be short lived. As the relationship deteriorates, you start to fight
dirty. You know all the little weak spots and you’re not afraid to use
them in an attempt to pull them down and make them feel truly horrible.
Flare ups
You used to be forgiving to each other, giving each other the benefit of
the doubt when it came to little digs and jibes. Now, the slightest
quip sends you into a full blown battle. When neither of you can say
anything without the other starting a fight, it’s time to say your
goodbyes.
Out in the open
Arguments used to be the things that you did alone, in the privacy of
your own home. When the relationship is on the way out, these arguments
start to spill out in public, as you are unable to let things lie until
you get back. When you don’t care who hears you arguing, it’s a very
clear sign.
Longing for singledom
If you are happy together as a couple, your thoughts tend towards
thinking about life as a couple. When, however, your thoughts start to
stray back to how free and happy you were before you got together, you
know that things are not right. Starting to make plans that don’t
include your partner is another sign that should not be ignored.
Keeping secrets
Loving couples should be able to tell each other everything. Trust forms
the basis of a good relationship, but when you start holding back
information because you feel that that trust is gone, you might want to
start thinking about packing your bags.
Changing how you see them
Everyone does it. The cute gestures that are endearing, the laugh that
you think is sweet. Then, the gestures become an annoying habit, the
laugh starts to grate on your nerves. When we stop forgiving all the
little foibles that our partner exhibits, then love is on the way out.
No more sex
There may be one or two medical reasons for a lack of interest, but
often it’s just down to the fact that the spark has gone and the
relationship has run its course
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